Labels create a foundation, a certainty.
Labels translate to the societal breakdown that we all strive for.
But alas, labels are destructive. They box people in. They create control needs and they create friction and hesitancy when you have the desire to move forward particularly in a partnership.
Labels can create a breach of security. You are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend so as a result of that I expect the following from you: ..... Conditions instead of trust.
Placing standards and expectations on someone based on what you call them. They may not be in that position to provide you with what you perceive you need at that moment and they may very well project a whole lot of bullshit on you too.
Do we give up on trainwrecks? I don’t right away. I believe in people and the better I feel, the better I can inadvertently influence others.
To say I want X, Y, and Z in a situation, like an upfront agreement about wants, needs, desires, and boundaries, fair. But does that make any of it real? Does that mean that collectively we would be guaranteed an upholding of this agreement? Everything is impermanent except for love. Love is never-ending in all forms. Your perception of what you want from an external party again is fair and speaking up to these aspects is important, but things change and evolve. I believe in the form of a romantic partnership for example, that you make the active choice to be with another person and you agree to comprehend that we will help each other grow and evolve in our existence over time. That is a far easier agreement to uphold. You can say you don’t want certain things to unfold and if you fixate on them internally in your mind, you will fabricate stories that will hurt you, and sometimes they will manifest in your reality unless you go and heal that core wound.
We can hold unspoken yet felt resentments against people, but we have to remember that they do change and, if we are changing our perspective then we will see that unfoldment in our reality whether with the same person or we will have eliminated that pattern from our experience. If patterns do occur, you talk them through, you take action, you keep moving forward, together because when you love yourself. If you truly love someone else unconditionally, you will take everything in stride and keep moving forward, together. You will understand your inner workings and strive to know theirs. That to me is the cultivation of respect, intimacy, and kindness. That is what I perceive a truly healthy relationship to be, whatever the label placed upon it is.
Finally, you have to focus on the commitment and desire to maintain it versus the label placed upon it. If it is not worth it to do things to destroy it versus deliberately doing hurtful things then the trust would build over time. Trust is mutual respect for self, others, and the shared bond.
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